Maybe I will
by GottaGetGreg
Summary: Greg is still thinking about the explosion. Grissom comes and talks to him, unaware of how much it really did affect him. Dialogue taken from Inside the Box, meaning spoilers, obviously. R&R is Greatly appreciated!
1. Default Chapter

**Disclaimer:** Dont own squat, simple as that. You know who owns them (the people at CBS...)

**A/N:** Hey everyone, this is my second story, please review and let me know if there is anything that I can do to make it better. I was also wondering if I should make another chapter with Greg talking to Grissom or something, or if I should just keep this as a one time thing. Please let me know! You can e-mail me instead of putting it in the review if thats easier for you. Well, I hope you like it, it's Greg angst, so you should like it if you like Greg angst, of course I dont know how good my own writing is, thats why I need reviews. That was kinda of a long sentence wasn't it? Anyhoo, read, review, and enjoy!

_

* * *

_

_I don't like the new lab. It is too small, it is too clean, and it is too lonely. Everything is new and sterile; some things are from the old lab, but just the things that didn't get ruined in the explosion. I thought I would be ready to go back to work, that I would have no problem adjusting, that I would be back to my old self in no time, I was wrong. Anytime somebody comes into the lab and opens the door, it sounds like an explosion, I jump, and the person asks if I'm ok. I say yes, only because I don't want any more attention than I already have, but the truth is I'm not. I'm scared to be at work, I'm scared to be at home, I'm scared to be anywhere. I know that it will eventually go away, but why can't it go away sooner. If I caused the explosion then I could blame myself and I would feel better, but I don't want to blame Catherine. She was so nice to me, maybe only because she felt guilty, but she has always been nice to me. I respect what she did; telling me herself, it must have not been too easy. I also don't want to get mad at her because things haven't been that good for her lately also, with Eddie and her daughter; that must be hard. The door just opened, I jumped, only to receive a concerned look from my supervisor._

"You rang?"

_I am still shaky, but I answer. I just hope that he cant see my hands shaking uncontrollably._

"Uh, yeah. The, uh ... blood flecks from the safe deposit box—two distinct samples. I only got one hit though." _I pick up the test results, my hands noticeably shaking, but Grissom takes out his glasses and puts them on, and doesn't notice them, not yet._

"Uh, the primary sample belongs to Vivian Verona, a cocktail waitress. She was killed on the top floor of the old pike's gambling hall about two years ago. Here's the report." _Grissom takes the sheet of paper from me and looks it over._

"Multiple puncture wounds, different depths, possibly two knives..."

"I've pulled the crime scene photos for you, too." _I hand Grissom the photos and he takes them willingly. He seemed pleased that I got those for him. That made me feel a little less nervous._

"Case still pending. Murder weapon was never found. Now, the secondary blood sample came back N.D. Uh, could be the killer. You always say murder's messy."_ I hold out the second test results in my hands, almost forgetting about the shaking because of my last attempt at humor so Grissom would not be concerned or try to talk to me about anything. I should have remembered about my hands because Grissom had still not taken the test results from me; instead they were in my shaking hands, my shaking hands that Grissom was looking at. I was thankful when he finally took them, but not thankful about what happened next._

"Greg, your hands are shaking." _Damn._

"No, they're not." _I thought I'd say this hoping that Grissom would take the hint that I didn't want to talk about it, but of course him, being Grissom, would not just let it go._

"Hold your hands out." _Grissom said this taking the paper away from me, only to reveal my hands, which at this point looked as if they were set on vibrate. I figure that there is no way I can convince him that they are not shaking because they are displayed for him in front of me, and denying that would only be stupid._

"Uh ... they've been shaking ever since ..." _I glance at the old lab, the one that I was thrown out of the window from. The one that I have spent my many hours in, working. I have always taken working in the lab for granted, I never really thought of something like that happening. Now that it has, though, it is the only thing that I can think about. I start to think about the men in there who are cleaning it up, they have no idea what happened in there. They have no idea how scary that lab looked just a short while ago. The fire, the smoke, the glass, they have no idea. I then drift back into the real world and notice that Grissom is still standing there, apparently waiting for me to ay something._

"I can't really make it stop." _I thought I'd state the obvious, why not?_

"Is it affecting your work?" _That was Grissom being Grissom, always wondering about work. Of course he had no real feelings, at least no feeling that he showed anyone. I really think, though, that he is just afraid to show them so he just relates everything to work. I kind of feel bad for the guy though, being scared to show emotion, that would be horrible._

"Well, if I was a bomb expert, maybe." _I thought I'd try some humor to lighten the mood, when I realize that I am the only one laughing I feel bad. Grissom has a slightly dissatisfied look on his face, like I can't be serious for even a minute, like everything is just one big game to me. If only he knew what I really feel like, but I don't think I'll tell anyone about that, not even Nick._

"No, I ... I think I have it under control."_ I try to put a serious expression on my face so Grissom won't think that I'm just one big goof. It seemed to work because his expression had softened into a more sympathetic look._

"It'll stop. If you need me, I'll be around."

"Okay." _Grissom leaves the lab, I was thankful for that, but also for what he told me. That was probably the most emotion that I had even seen him show. Even if it was just a little bit, it still meant a lot to me. I am now looking at my hands, disappointed, yet grateful. I curl them into fists, hoping that that will stop them shaking for a little while; I hope that they stop before anyone else notices. I am frustrated and disappointed at the same time among other things, I just want to go home, get in bed, go to sleep, and never wake up. I have never wanted to be here in this position, and now that I am, I wish I wasn't. Maybe I will talk to Grissom...maybe._


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Hey, I'm sorry this took, like, a year. I lower my head in shame. Well, I hope that you like this and if you have any suggestions for the next chapter, if you even want one at all, please tell me. I promise that the next chapter will not take a year to be posted also. But, I'm not sure if I should just leave it at this, please tell me. I hope you all like it! R&R is greatly appreciated! -Gottagetgreg Disclaimer: I own everything, but then again I am a compulsive lier. Yeah, I own nothing. Wish I did, but I don't. So sad. 

I was standing in front of Grissom's office, a place I never thought I would be. Well, at least not under these circumstances. I can't remember the countless times I have stood in front of this same door. It seems so different now. It seems threatening and intimidating. I know once I go in I can't go back. I know that I am not turning back, I need to go in. I don't know how else to deal with this. I can't talk to a shrink because he has no idea what I went through. Grissom was at least at the scene of the explosion, even if he wasn't hurt. I have thought about talking to Sara about it, but I don't know if she would take me seriously. I also figured that it would be pretty awkward, not that it isn't going to be with Grissom. It just seems easiest to talk with him. I don't know why. Maybe because he extended the invitation, an invitation I never thought I would take on. After a minute or two, I forced myself to knock on his door. I hear a faint "Come in." and I open the door and walk into his office.

"Hello Greg, is there something that I can help you with." I feel a little bad because he doesn't know exactly how much I want him to help me. I also feel more nervous because he looks at my hands before he says anything to me. Everybody seems to do that now a days. I hate it. I hope this wasn't a mistake. So before I make up some stupid joke I start to talk, but it was harder than I thought.

"Yeah, I, uh..." I look down at my still shaking hands and hope that he gets the hint. He did. His face changes from one of contentedness to curiosity, worry, sympathy, and hopefulness.

"Take a seat." The words were more of a command than a request. I take a seat and look Grissom in the eyes. He wants me to start, so I do as best as I can.

"I just don't know what to do." This is probably the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, I never imagined it to be this hard.

"Don't know what to do about what, Greg?" I can tell that he really wants to help me. Seeing this urges me on to tell him more.

"Everything. I don't know how to act around everyone anymore. I know that they are all used to seeing me as a clown. I know that they are all used to seeing me not take things as seriously as they are. Now, I can't find anything to laugh about. I just don't know what to do." All of that just kinda came pouring out. I look back into Grissom's eyes. It is obvious that he is thinking of something to say to me.

"Well, these things take time to heal. I know that it's not easy, but it will eventually pass. You just have to wait." This was not exactly what I wanted to hear.

"I don't want to wait. I don't want to be like this anymore. I don't feel like myself anymore, it's scary. I want to be like I was before. I want it to be like nothing ever happened." My voice was raising in anger.

"But, Greg, you're going to have to wait. You don't have a choice. Things aren't going to change overnight. It's like all of the people that we see everyday. They are going to be sad for a while because they lost someone who they love, but in time they will learn to cope. They will learn to accept what happened, and you will too." I am still not totally satisfied. I don't know what to do, maybe this was a mistake. I was hoping that Grissom would have an answer that would change me back to normal. He always seems to have the answers. I start to get up out of my seat, leaving in frustration.

"Greg, wait. Please think about what I said. It is the truth and while you may not want to believe it there is no avoiding it. I'm sorry that I couldn't help more." Grissom sigs and gives me one last look before I turn back around towards the door. As I place my hand on the door handle Grissom says one last thing.

"The only constant is change." I pause momentarily letting the words sink in. Wow, I feel out of it. I leave and go home, all the way there thinking about what Grissom said. It keeps echoing through my mind. Even if it is true, it's still not an easy thing to accept. Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow to be the same Greg that I was before. Maybe I will be able to put this whole thing behind me. But at the same time not forgetting that it happened. I hope everything is better in the morning like they always say. Maybe I will just push all of this away tomorrow. Maybe I will.


End file.
